My Life as a Pink Floyd Song
I'll be honest with you guys here this year has been a bummer and one I wish I could forget. I met the love of my life...And she's gone. I'm going back for the Master's degree...But it's cost me alot emotionally so far and now I'm stymied by work. It feels like everyone I know is growing and changing and I'm a ant trapped in amber. Going nowhere...Yet getting older.
Do you know I'm going to be an uncle (the cats don't count) soon? Well, now you do. I should be excited, but it only depresses me. It seems like everyone I know has gotten married, engaged, had a kid, moved on to a more lucrative job in better climate. And Here I am. Same job. Same crummy apartment. Same people wondering how it could be that I havent gotten married yet, and all I can do is shrug. I don't know why either.
If I could do it all over again....I remember Rachel's Halloween party back in 2005. It was a Friday and I was exhausted. I'd done a full week at work and was buried with O-chem work; I got home and decided to close my eyes for a little bit...I woke up....Much Later. Rachel was a little pissed that I was a No-show. I was embarrassed...Not only for dissing Rachel, but I missed out on my chance to meet Marina. Just my luck again. And so began my 2005 holiday season...A lot like this previous one.
Marina and I finally got together for a while. It was....Blissful. One of the most wonderful intelligent, sexy, beautiful-on-the-inside-and-out people I've ever known. It didn't last of course. I knew we had limited time in Toledo, but I thought I had until August to convince her that we had a future together. Didn't happen that way. Remember the Long Jusdon road race that was canceled back in May? We all gathered at the Bistro Wasabi for beer and Sushi. After some urging by other's in the party I got Marina to meet us there. Life was good.
After we parted ways Marina and I went to the Starbucks...And she broke up with me. "I'm wasting your time", "you need to find someone here", "you have so many friends here". I was speechless. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't the case and that my friends would always be there
On that night I was the loneliest person in the world. I drove up to be with my brother in Ann Arbor. It was a suicide watch more-or-less.
Well, back around labor day. I met Marina at a nice, neutral location and I was finally able to spill my guts; that she was the one I wanted to be with. It finally dawned on her where I was coming from and her face turned several shades of pale. We both agreed that our relationship was cursed by bad timing since we first met at the MVW Club Crit.
And, being cursed by bad timing, it was already too late.
His name's Seth, by the way.
But you know what stung the most? Marina was stunned, shocked, incredulous that, after an entire summer, I still hadn't found anyone. This is called "Being a single man in Toledo", Marina. This is what happens, what has happened many times before.
Anyway, enough of the "reverie". But do you see what I'm getting at? I was miserable at the beginning of this year, but after a bit things started to go well...And as time went on it looked like things would really be different: Good grades, good job, love. And here I am, again, scrambling for any reason whatsoever, for why I should even bother getting out of bed. It's a broken record of a bad song.
I'm paranoid.
I'm a little afraid.
It can't be like this, again, can it?
"The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death"
Do you know I'm going to be an uncle (the cats don't count) soon? Well, now you do. I should be excited, but it only depresses me. It seems like everyone I know has gotten married, engaged, had a kid, moved on to a more lucrative job in better climate. And Here I am. Same job. Same crummy apartment. Same people wondering how it could be that I havent gotten married yet, and all I can do is shrug. I don't know why either.
If I could do it all over again....I remember Rachel's Halloween party back in 2005. It was a Friday and I was exhausted. I'd done a full week at work and was buried with O-chem work; I got home and decided to close my eyes for a little bit...I woke up....Much Later. Rachel was a little pissed that I was a No-show. I was embarrassed...Not only for dissing Rachel, but I missed out on my chance to meet Marina. Just my luck again. And so began my 2005 holiday season...A lot like this previous one.
Marina and I finally got together for a while. It was....Blissful. One of the most wonderful intelligent, sexy, beautiful-on-the-inside-and-out people I've ever known. It didn't last of course. I knew we had limited time in Toledo, but I thought I had until August to convince her that we had a future together. Didn't happen that way. Remember the Long Jusdon road race that was canceled back in May? We all gathered at the Bistro Wasabi for beer and Sushi. After some urging by other's in the party I got Marina to meet us there. Life was good.
After we parted ways Marina and I went to the Starbucks...And she broke up with me. "I'm wasting your time", "you need to find someone here", "you have so many friends here". I was speechless. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't the case and that my friends would always be there
On that night I was the loneliest person in the world. I drove up to be with my brother in Ann Arbor. It was a suicide watch more-or-less.
Well, back around labor day. I met Marina at a nice, neutral location and I was finally able to spill my guts; that she was the one I wanted to be with. It finally dawned on her where I was coming from and her face turned several shades of pale. We both agreed that our relationship was cursed by bad timing since we first met at the MVW Club Crit.
And, being cursed by bad timing, it was already too late.
His name's Seth, by the way.
But you know what stung the most? Marina was stunned, shocked, incredulous that, after an entire summer, I still hadn't found anyone. This is called "Being a single man in Toledo", Marina. This is what happens, what has happened many times before.
Anyway, enough of the "reverie". But do you see what I'm getting at? I was miserable at the beginning of this year, but after a bit things started to go well...And as time went on it looked like things would really be different: Good grades, good job, love. And here I am, again, scrambling for any reason whatsoever, for why I should even bother getting out of bed. It's a broken record of a bad song.
I'm paranoid.
I'm a little afraid.
It can't be like this, again, can it?
"The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death"
posted by Crawford Tillinghast at 13:33
